Entry #5
status:waiting for my kdrama to stream yo !
mood:feeling like a downer? uncertain of my mood, but not feeling awesome..
currently listening to:back2u - jessica mauboy
Mmmm .. i havent blogged in awhile and i guess its at that peak where i feel as though i should, or feel as though i need to. But once again im not too sure of what to blog about or my purpose of this blog. i really badly want to reveal the things that i have been feeling lately, but sadly i cant as this blog is wayy to private to be able to put out there my feelings lately. This kind of feeling i would personally like to keep to myself - only a couple of you reading this blog will understand what im thinking about or what im even talking about. PING PING PING ______ BLAH.
Dont quite know why this certain situation has been getting me down of late and i dont know why that whenever i blog, it seems to all be too emo, or revolving around thinking about life. But i guess its just something i think about alot, some may say that i think too much or that i over think certain things and taking it to heart wayy too much. But its who i am, its how i am and its how i like to deal with these certain types of things. i guess by now, you should all know that thinking is what i do best. Now i must admit that my thinking isnt always positive, it barely ever is. Especially relating to this certain situation, it definitely has negativity written all over it ! I guess its true what my friend said, my head probably has been up in the clouds of late, living my secretly long awaited story where i was the only author of it. Today she brought me back down to earth and made me open my eyes, there are still many possibilities. And although this story may be either heading up or even heading down, we still dont know. I just want some sort of sign that will clarify things straight up !
I guess its been lingering on my mind of late as this certain situation may be becoming more and more thought about - not a good thing. When it comes to these certain situations im assuming that history's going to repeat itself. It almost usually does when its relating to these issues and yeah i guess i am afraid of that happening because its been wayy too long since i last had a chance to be able to be feel the way i once did - which is pretty much 20 thousand years ago. haha. Without you guys knowing the current situation its hard for me to be able to elaborate what i am talking about but i guess i just needed to vent and let out my rush of optimism. haha or lack of it.
Moving on a lighter note, i would like to make a certain shout out to a very close bud of mine, whom is a FAG ! haha i do not think anything of it, for what you did and for the reasons i know of why you had to do what you did. Although you know i dont necessarily agree with the way you dealt with things, it is now over and it is now finally resolved after a long long time. Friend, i know theres a reason as to why you doubt us, and i am hoping to clarify that nothing's changed - well im hoping it hasnt. Because i still find you the same person as you were before the situation happened, as for not answering your certain question you know i have a choice not to. And even though i know nothings going to happen and i know you are now over things, i just still want to keep things suppressed ! Now i know you're questioning as to why i am doing this because before all this happened i know i would tell you everything but please just let this one go. It's not going to be revealed anytime soon because i am waiting for the whole thing to blow over. i know it is also something little and something that is irrelevant - so stop ASKING ! LOL. Because i still do see you the same ! :) and i hope you get that !
One last thing that i have to rant about is the fact that its true - NOTHING LASTS FOREVER. it still seizes to amaze me how things can change in such little time and how things can go either way - good or bad. I admit i have been at fault for some situations and others have been too. But i guess nothings coincidence and things do happen for a reason. Theres not much that i want to rant on about this topic because its bound to always happen no matter where you are or where you go. I guess you could call it a natural thing that occurs within life. And theres not much more i want to say about it. life .. is life.
"I swear that all I’ve done since i got off the flight,
Is missed you much and then missed you some more
Unpacked my bags, put on some tunes
But all it did was make me think of you
I need you to whisper in my ear
And tell me the things that i want to hear
Can’t wait until your arms are wrapped around me tight
All night, every night
We’ll watch the stars turn into the morning light
Right there side by side
The things you say, the little things you do"
- Jessica Mauboy
-Marty.
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